


Not Quite Heroes

by genericdarklord



Category: Original Work
Genre: Action, Fantasy, Gen, Humor, Science Fiction, Superheroes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 15:12:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10414992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/genericdarklord/pseuds/genericdarklord
Summary: For those born with unnatural powers, there are only two options: Hero or Villain. This is a story about Option 3, and why teenagers shouldn't be able to blow things up with their minds.





	

“Not Quite Heroes”

 

Chapter 1

“Demolition, Delusion, Misfortune and Fear”

 

AKA

“(Mostly) Contained Chaos”

 

* * *

  
  


Monday, 10/24/2157, 9:47 AM

Lower Commercial Area, District 3, Sea Isle Containment City, Maine

 

“Good morning everyone! Thanks for tuning in to the United News Network. You’re watching the Rising Sun with Erin Desena-”

“-and Rob Metz.”

“It’s another fine October day here in Portland, Maine. The sea breeze is bringing in some lovely, crisp air. You’ve got to love it.”

“And if you don’t, you’re living in the wrong place, Rob.”

“Indeed you are, Erin. But we’ve more important things to talk about than the weather. It’s October 12th, and we all know what that means!”

“Today the whole country is celebrating our hundredth annual Reclamation Day!”

“It was exactly one hundred years ago that we struck our first decisive blow against the Outsiders, reclaiming a large piece of New England which had been overrun.”

“Including a large portion of Maine, enabling the reconstruction our own wonderful city, Rob.”

“It was that victory that signaled humanity’s slow advance into Outsider territory. In just twenty years, all but the most heavily defended nests were destroyed.”

“Now we can live safe and happy lives, thanks to our brave soldiers and the homo evolutus that fight by their sides.”

“So, on this day of celebration, remember to thank the brave men and women who give us our security and freedom! Celebrate these brave citizens, members of our armed forces and parahuman alike.”

“So true, Rob. We can never thank-”

The display exploded.

In an instant, the entire storefront was reduced to twisted fragments. TVs exploded, showering the inside of the store with sparks and plastic shrapnel.

A young man stood in front of the former display with a look of disgust on his face. His arm was raised, pointing a large, black revolver at the store.

“Yeah, ‘thank the parahumans’ my fucking ass. Pat the good little pets on the head, right?” A flick of his wrist snapped the revolver open, ejecting a smoking casing almost as large as a shotgun shell. With a deft motion it was quickly replaced. “Maybe give us a treat for being so fucking awesome. What a steaming pile of shit.””

Another quick flick snapped the gun shut. It quickly disappeared into one of the many pockets his cargo pants sported. Looking around, he absently brushed some wreckage off his thick, leather work vest.

True to form, only a few people were paying attention to him. It wasn’t really surprising. Even on a crowded street like this, there weren’t many pedestrians that would have more than a passing interest in an exploding store. Stuff like this happened all the time.

That’s what happens when you cram a million parahumans into a single city. Sea Isle City wasn’t as densely populated as some other large cities, but its residents were far from normal and they weren’t always well-behaved. Explosions weren’t exactly uncommon.

Still, there were quite a few people watching. Some of them were even taking pictures with their infolinks. Bastards were probably planning on reporting him. Pricks.

With an annoyed grumble, he yanked a card and a small nail gun out of his pockets. There was a sharp crack as he affixed the card to a fairly intact part of the metal window frame.

 

Daniel Walker, Aberrant Engineer

Specializing In:

Metallurgy, Explosives, Weaponry of All Kinds

Link #73GL992X

 

He was a strong believer in personal responsibility. At least, he was when people were watching. He was already - with good reason - one of the prime suspects whenever something exploded in District 3. With so many witnesses taking pictures, he was sure to get busted. He’d be in twice as much trouble if he tried to bail.

He really didn’t need the Enforcement Division knocking on his door.

Again.

Still muttering to himself, he produced a thin cylinder. He hated the stupid things, but even he had to admit infolinks were useful. Filling out an incident report on the spot would make him look a lot better.

The device had other ideas.

There was a slight hiss as the hard-light display formed. That was normal, but the nasty scraping noise that followed wasn’t. The display flickered and wavered. It popped and went out for a second, then faded back in with another horrible scrape. He caught one brief glimpse of the screen before it went out again.

Pressing the ‘on’ button several times accomplished nothing.

“Mother fucker!” He snapped. The link was hurled to the ground, bounced, and was annihilated before it landed again.

Dan absently replaced the spent shell and pocketed his revolver.

Oh well, it wasn’t like he couldn’t afford another one. That one had made it three and half months, actually. Not bad, considering how good his Talent was at killing the things. It might be a new record. Maybe he should start keeping track, just out of curiosity.

“Fuck.” He muttered. It had just occurred to him that the new hole in the sidewalk was probably going to be blamed on him. He really hated getting blamed for things that were his fault. It always led to boring and pointless lectures. It was such a waste of time to…

Wait a second. Time. What time had his link displayed before it died? The billboard across the street said...

“Fuck.” He muttered again. “Su’s gonna kill me.”

Some mornings it just didn’t pay to get out of bed. Actually, most mornings it didn’t pay to get out of bed. All he’d wanted to do today was stay at home and get some work done. Reclamation Day was a crock of shit anyway, and it turned the already chaotic city into a fucking zoo. 

But Su wanted to go shopping. If he refused that sort of ‘request’, he got the  _ look _ . He hated the look. It made him want to piss himself. He’d been exposed to her Talent enough that he was pretty resistant to it, but that wasn’t the sort of thing you could just shake off.

Not that it mattered now. He was sure to be at least ten minutes late. That was more than enough to piss her off. And for some reason she didn’t consider “I felt like blowing something up” a valid excuse. 

He really, really shouldn’t have gotten out of bed.

A few blocks down the street, there was a massive explosion. Dan watched in annoyance as a large chunk of the intersection vanished. He wouldn’t call it a particularly great detonation. The size was decent, but it was lacking in sheer, destructive force. There was just no artistry to it.

There was also a good chance it was going to be blamed on him.

“Fucking assholes.”

 

* * *

 

Tuesday, 10/25/2157, 11:27 AM

Ridge High, District 3, Sea Isle Containment City, Maine

 

Thana was bored out of her mind.

Actually, that didn’t even really cover it. If she was bored out of her mind, at least she wouldn’t be here. She wouldn’t have to sit here and listen to Mr. Smith drone on and on. Being literally bored out of her mind would let her be somewhere else, doing… anything but listen to a boring lecture on algebra.

Why on Earth were they being taught basic algebra in their junior year of high school? They’d all learned these things in middle school, for god’s sake.

It was times like this she wished her talent was a bit more practical. Lindsay was so lucky in that respect. The redhead was a row ahead of Thana, slightly slumped in her seat. It was almost a given that she was watching something more interesting than Mr. Smith. Clairvoyance and clairaudience were useful like that.

Even something like Dan’s would be better. He was sitting next to her, quite obviously not paying attention to the lecture. Instead, he was swearing softly and working on something under his desk. Small springs, gears and other bits of metal were rapidly being withdrawn from his pockets and added to the… whatever. Every now and then he’d swear just a little louder and disassemble part of the device.

He pretty much got a free pass from Mr. Smith. Well, all of the math teachers, really. As long as he didn’t disrupt their class too overtly, they left him alone. She assumed it was because they’d look a bit silly if they accused him of not paying attention. It was a tough claim to make, considering he had a perfect score in every math class he’d taken.

A license to not pay attention in math courses and an automatic pass in science classes. When it came to avoiding boring lectures, he pretty much had it made.

Thana didn’t have any such luck. As far as academics went, she was just a normal high school girl. Nothing about her Talent let her get out of core classes like this. She had no convenient abilities that made her a genius. She had no useful abilities that let her be somewhere else.

This was starting to annoy her, and why shouldn’t it? Why should she have to sit here for an hour and a half and listen to someone babble about something everyone here should already know?

She was trying really hard not to scowl. As irritating as this was, she had to calm down a bit. The people around here were already starting to shift uncomfortably. She had to reign it in before someone realized what was happening. God knows her reputation was bad enough already.

_ Something happen. Something, please happen. I don’t care what, just let something happen to distract me! _

Almost as if in answer to her prayers, left wall of the classroom exploded inward violently. A hail of jagged metal and wood showered the students in the room. Thana’s classmates reflexively tried to dive for cover, but it was far too late for some.

A torrent of white and gold flame rushed into the room right on the heels of the flying debris. It washed over the front two rows, swallowing most of the students that had been seated there. Furniture and teen alike vanished beneath the unnatural inferno.

The fire didn’t even seem to notice this, blasting across the room without so much as slowing. The far wall buckled and groaned as the flame slammed into it. For a solid second, the white blaze hammered against the side of the classroom. White flickers spread out and ravaged the wood, tearing and scorching but setting nothing aflame.

Somehow, despite the onslaught, the wall remained standing.

The fire suddenly vanished, leaving a small cloud of golden sparks hanging in the air. There was now a wide, charred path across the floor where the first two rows of desks had been. A couple dozen students were scattered along its length. Most of them looked dazed enough that they wouldn’t be going too far for a bit. Despite having suffered a bit of clothing damage, they looked pretty much fine. Assuming, of course, that your definition of fine was, ‘not horrifically maimed or permanently scarred’.

That was pretty much the common definition in this city, actually.

The right wall of the class had become sort of a vertical blast crater. The entire thing was buckled and charred black. The center of this crater was decorated with the scorched form of a student Thana didn’t immediately recognize. He was embedded deep in the wall. The wreckage was twisted around him, holding him a foot off the floor.

He had a very surprised look on his face. With his bangs and eyebrows both seared off, it gave him an unnaturally wide-eyed look.

“And then, as you can see, we must divide the right side of the equation by two.” Mr. Smith droned on. He had to have noticed the partial destruction of his classroom, but he seemed pretty intent on ignoring it. People in Sea Isle City, or any containment city, were pretty good at that. “In doing so, we must also divide the left side by the same.”

“Son of a  _ bitch _ !” The charred student screamed, momentarily drowning out the lecture. It took several sharp jerks before he managed to peel himself off the wall. The front of his hoodie disintegrated during this process, leaving the back to hang down like some sort of absurd cape. He marched into the center of the room, hoodie flapping behind him. “I’m gonna cut the smug right off-”

He paused and gave his raised hand a confused look. He’d just thrown it out in a threatening gesture, but something didn’t see quite right. Turning it back and forth, he studied every inch of it. After several seconds - far longer than it should have taken - he realized the problem.

Whirling around, he fixed the damaged wall with a nasty glare. There was a sword sticking out of the scorched crater.

Yeah, that had definitely been the problem. It was pretty hard to swing your sword menacingly when it was in a wall.

“Son of a bitch!” He repeated. He marched over and grabbed the hilt of the weapon. Unfortunately, it seemed the wall had become quite fond of it. It was quite reluctant to release the blade. It took several mighty heaves before the boy managed to free it. By that point, he was yanking so hard that he nearly fell on his ass when he finally succeeded.

He quickly glanced around to see if anyone noticed. The twenty-one uninjured students (minus Dan) stared back. Some of them were quite visibly trying not to laugh.

The boy began to redden, though Thana honestly couldn’t say whether it was in embarrassment or anger. Probably both, at this point.

“Damn it! You’re gonna pay for making me look like a fool!” He snapped. He brandished his sword (this time actually holding it)  menacingly. “You think you’re so great!? You think your little friend makes you so much better than the rest of us!? Well, we’ll see how much your little fan club likes you when that pretty face is covered in scars! The Third Cut:  _ Dragon Slayer _ !”

Dark bolts of purple energy arced up and down the length of the blade. He snapped it down and whipped it around in a tight arc. The tip easily gouged a deep trench in the wooden floor. The purple energy popped and hissed, as if reveling in the destruction. He launched forward with a wordless cry, blade still tearing apart the floor.

“Eat this, you piece of-”

The hole in the wall was suddenly widened. It’s edges splintered and peeled back, allowing a second wave of flame to rush in. It was at least half again the size of the first.

The students fared quite a bit better this time. The first burst of flame had caught them off guard, but most of them had been expecting a bit more carnage to follow it. Those in the attack’s path were diving out of its way even as it entered the room. Most of them even made it.

Those that had been roughed up by the first blast, however, weren’t so lucky. Most were a little too out of it to even think about evading. Thana couldn’t help but wince in sympathy as the poor students were engulfed in a second massive wave of flame.

The white and gold torrent slammed into the already-scorched student with incredible force. He was lifted off his feet and carried straight back into the crater he’d just escaped from. Or, rather, right  _ through _ the crater. The unfortunate wall proved to be too weak to survive a second assault. The sword wielder vanished through the damaged wood, riding at the head of a blazing projectile.

Judging by the startled shouts, he made it all the way into the classroom across the hall.

“...as you can see, we can now solve for the value of X. In problem number 23…”

Thana sighed and very, very carefully attempted to remove a large chunk of ash that had settled on her chest. Despite her best efforts, some of it got stuck in the lace. Luckily she was wearing a deep, blood red today. Any marks left by the errant soot would be hardly noticeable. It was still a bit annoying, though. It wasn’t as if she could throw most of her dresses in the washer.

She already spent a small fortune on dry-cleaning as it was. Any more and her allowance wouldn’t be able to cover it.

“That looked like it hurt.” She quietly observed.

“Who hurt what now?” Dan sked. He glanced up from whatever he was making and looked around the classroom curiously. He’d been so absorbed in what he was doing that he’d somehow missed the destruction of half the room. “Damn. What the hell happened?” 

“You seriously missed a huge blast of holy flame throwing a guy through two walls and knocking out half the class?”

“I… guess? Seriously, what the hell happened?”

“A huge blast of holy flame threw a guy through two walls and knocked out half the class.”

“Oh. Thanks for clearing that up.” Dan said. Oddly, there wasn’t the faintest hint of sarcasm in his response. Shrugging, he continued, “Anyway, it’s not like it’s a big deal. Some fucking moron tries to start shit with Holt two or three times a week.”

“That is true.”

“Seriously, you’d think the dumb shits would’ve figured it out by now. You don’t mess with Holt, even if he is an asshole. The little prick practically has ‘protagonist’ written all over him.”

“Please, Dan, not this again.”

“Seriously, it’s so obvious, Su’. The dude was as a total pussy freshman year. THen he falls into some ancient cave - who the hell falls into a  cave in the middle of a city? - and gets all cozy with some goddamned divine spirit. Now he’s the high-and-mighty ‘Living Altar of Holy Flame’ and his left arm is literally a weapon of mass destruction. He’s got a freakin’ harem following him around and half the assholes in the city have crushes on him because he kicked their asses. What part of that doesn’t sound like him being the protagonist of some shitty teenage action series?”

“The part where this is reality, maybe? And if he’s a protagonist, what does that make us?”

Dan shrugged. “Side characters, obviously. I can live with that. Sounds a lot easier than being someone important, Su’.”

“Dan, you really need to stop reading pre-Change literature. It’s rotting your brain.” Thana sighed. “And stop calling me Su’.”

“Watching, actually. Those old 1080p videos are pretty blurry, but you get used to it after a while. Especially if you figure out how to squint just right.” He adjusted his glasses and fixed her with a lazy stare. “It’s a lot more interesting than the crap entertainment you can get in the city.”

“You already had issues. I don’t think you need more.”

“I have issues?” He snorted. He very obviously ran his eyes up and down Thana’s body. Blood-red fabric with black lace. A loose, slightly ruffled skirt. An ornate metal butterfly clip holding up her bangs and a red ribbon woven into her hair. It was a good thing her family was both well off and over-indulgent, because the price tag on that outfit would send a lot of people screaming for the hills. “You looked in a mirror lately, kettle? Seriously, everyone in SICC has issues, Su’.  _ We’ve _ just got more than most.”

“I’m perfectly normal, thank you. And if you keep calling me Su’, I’m going to do something very unpleasant to you.”

“Tch. You’ve been saying that for years. The hell am I supposed to call you? Thana? I’m not about to humor you just ‘cuz you got your panties in a twist.”

“Dan, don’t make me-”

There was a very loud and pointed cough.

Dan and Thana both froze. Slowly, very slowly, they turned their gazes upwards. 

Unbeknownst to them, their conversation had been getting louder as it went on. While Mr. Smith grudgingly let Dan slack off, that went out the window if he distracted students that were actually trying to learn.

Now the tall, thin teacher was standing in front of Dan’s deck. He lowered his dark shades slightly to stare down at the boy.

“Mr. Walker. I understand that your unique  _ qualifications _ make this class meaningless to you. In fact, I cannot help but wonder why they insist on sending you here for me to tolerate on a daily basis.  _ However _ , do not think that gives you license to distract others from their studies. Especially hard working students that succeed on their own merits.”

Thana blushed and slid down in her seat a bit.

“Dude. You’re kidding, right? I mean, you’ve to to be shitting me. Did you somehow miss Holt  launching a dude through a wall? I totally did, but you’re supposed to be paying attention to this sort of thing. Satan’s balls, man. 31.25% of your class is unconscious or heavily concussed.” The affronted boy declared. “How the hell is that not ‘distracting’ them? ‘Cuz, personally, I’d consider having the piss knocked right outta ya a pretty major fuckin’ distraction. Why don’t you track Holt down and give him shit?”

“Half a point on your record for your vulgarity, Mr. Walker. I’m sure it will be quite comfortable there among all the others. As for Mr. Holt, he is neither my student nor is he guilty of brazenly violating my rules. That means he is not my problem right now. You, sadly, are.”

“Dude. There is something seriously wrong with-”

“And what is this, Mr. Walker? Hmm… you wouldn’t be bringing contraband into my class, would you?” Mr. Smith demanded. His gaze was fixed on Dan’s arms, his hands hidden beneath his desk.

Dan grimaced and slouched, trying to shove his hands further out of sight. “Uh… no? I mean, of course not!”

Thana sighed.  _ Smooth… _

An evil smirk spread across Mr. Smith’s face. It wasn’t often he got to catch the boy out like this. “Now Mr. Walker, you wouldn’t happen to be eating in my class again, would you? You know I have rules against that sort of thing.”

“Uh, no. Not eating. Definitely not eating.”  Dan said with relief. “Haven’t had a bite all class, honest. So… we’re good then, right?”

“Well, why don’t you show me what you have there, regardless? I’m quite interested, actually. I’m sure your peers are as well. Why don’t you share it with all of us.”

The color drained out of Thana’s face, leaving her even paler than normal. She subtly shifted and slid her legs out from under the chair. Bracing her hands against the underside of her desk, she took some comfort in the smooth, cool metal she found there.

The boy sighed and petulantly muttered, “Well, fine. If you’re gonna be that way about it. I guess it doesn’t matter. I just finished it, anyway.” He reached out and deftly dropped a small, metal egg into the irate teacher’s hand.

For his part, Mr. Smith had just now realized that this might not have been a good idea. He regarded the small object suspiciously. It was the size and shape of a hen’s egg, unnaturally heavy and made of a light grey metal. He could just barely make out a small seam running around it.

“And what, exactly, is this?” He asked with an obviously nervous tenor.

Dan produced a large pocket watch from one of his pockets. The timepiece was battered, scratched and worn. It must have still worked, however, because he flipped it open and began watching it intently. 

“Egg timer.” He explained.

“An… egg timer?” Mr. Smith asked, breathing a sigh of relief.

“Yep. It uses a carefully measured amount of two mutually antagonistic compounds held in a delicate balance. The introduction of a trigger agent ruins this balance, causing them to react with each other at a constant, definable speed. When the reaction has complete, the device indicates that the desired interval of time has passed. Egg timer.” Dan explained. “Plus, it’s shaped like an egg. I thought that was a nice touch.”

“When you say antagonistic-”

Mr. Smith’s question was answered before he even finished asking it. The ‘egg timer’ suddenly grew very warm and began vibrating.

“Sweet! Forty-five seconds exactly!”

Thana sighed again and easily heaved her desk off the ground. It landed on its side with a heavy, metallic thud. The impact cause several hidden latches to release, allowing metal flaps to snap out from behind the armored plate lining the bottom.

This was one of those rare time in which she was actually grateful for her small size and build. It only took half a second to squeeze down behind the barrier. Pressing her back against the armor plate did a lot to make her feel secure. Lord knew she’d be better off than most of the rest of her class.

She’d never been one for off-the-rack merchandise, and something like this was well worth the cost. Especially since the cost hadn’t been anything more than harassing Dan until he agreed to modify every desk she used during the day.

Not like he had any right to complain. He was responsible for at least a third of the disasters they warded off.

The classroom exploded.

Again.

 

* * *

 

Tuesday, 10/25/2157, 11:49 AM

Ridge High, District 3, Sea Isle Containment City, Maine

 

Thana stomped her way down the hall, struggling to keep herself in check. Students hastily cleared path ahead of her. That, in itself, was not unusual. She tended to send people scrambling out of the way no matter what the situation was. Her being in a temper just made it ten times as bad.

Watching her peers hastily vacate the hallway just made her madder. If this kept up, it was going to get to the point where people  _ really _ started freaking out. That was always a pain. Normally she tried to avoid such hassles, but at this particular moment she couldn’t find it within herself to care.

Her lovely red dress was absolutely filthy.

It was one of her absolute favorites. It managed to be beautifully gothic without crossing the line into tastelessly ostentatious. It was  _ so _ hard to find a seamstress who knew how to strike that balance. The fabric, the lace, the ruffles, the seams and buttons… everything had to be perfectly placed.

And now it was completely covered with crud. The bodice and skirt were so caked in ash that you couldn’t tell what color they were supposed to be. Every bit of lace on it was peppered with small chunks of desk and floor. Larger chunks of rubble had lodged in her skirt, poking her flesh in a very unpleasant way. A particularly large bit of debris had somehow lodged itself up by her waist and was digging into her left butt cheek in a manner she definitely didn’t appreciate.

Dan trailed along behind her, shooting her the occasional nervous glance. He was in much better shape, despite being right at ground-zero. Unlike her, he wore clothing purely for function rather than form. His vests weren’t attractive, but they were made from thick, treated leather and lined with metal plates. His boots were similarly constructed. Even his cargo pants were made of special carbon fiber cloth.

In addition to being strong, all the material he wore was also quite smooth. Things like ash and splinters just brushed right off. He was scratched, filthy and had bits of wreckage in his hair, but his clothing looked like it had just come out of the wash.

It was probably time to cut his hair again, if crap was getting stuck in it. Constantly having to clean bits of wood and metal out of it was annoying.

He subtly eyed Thana’s waist-length locks. She normally kept her hair perfectly straight, but it were frizzing bit at the sides now. Quite a bit of assorted crud had gotten caught in it. All the soot and ash was very obvious against her pale lavender tresses.

He made a very conscious decision to not mention this. Pissing Thana off more than she already was probably wasn’t a great idea. Judging by the way people were clearing the hall, she was already having difficulty reigning in her Talent. It was getting to the point that even  _ he _ could feel it. Granted, she generally directed as much of it at him as she could, but it was still a little worrying.

Plus, that slight chill in his bones was kind of annoying.

“You’re paying for the dry cleaning, Dan.” She suddenly snapped. Dan reflexively flinched, nearly missing a step in the process. “You’re paying for that and you’re paying for me to get my hair redone.”

_ Fuck. She knew. _

“Yeah. No problem. Hell, I’ll even buy you a new dress. That fuckin’ tool from Reliant Arms has been bugging me about renewing our trade contract, anyway. I’ll just squeeze a little signing bonus out of ‘im.”

The chill lessened noticeably. Dan breathed a sigh of relief.

“ _ Two _ dresses. And a full manicure.”

“Sure. I was planning on hitting ‘em for ten grand anyway. The man knows his explosives. He’s not about to shop somewhere else just because I made a few more ridiculous demands.”

“...more? Do I even want to know?”

“Wait, I never told you? Dude, I own a fucking assault class variable-thrust aerial combat platform. It’s a Shrike Mk2, a really nice little two-seater. Reliant was gonna decommission it last year, so I suckered it out of ‘em. I was gonna take you for a ride, but I can’t even get the fucking controls to work. Too many sensitive electronics.”

Thana glared back over her shoulder. “You’re an idiot. You’re also not off the hook. This is one of my favorites, so don’t think I’ll forgive you just because you’re going to buy me some new dresses and a hairpin.”

“...hairpin?”

“A hairpin. I saw a lovely silver one the other day.”

“Fine, fine. How much can a goddamned hairpin cost, anyway?”

She told him.

Dan made a choking noise and began coughing violently. 

“It’s a very nice hairpin.” Thana stated. Her tone was so cold you could practically she the ice crystals forming in the air.

“For that price the fucker’d better give great head...”

The pale girl had to fight down a smirk. At this point, it was getting hard to focus enough of her Talent on him to keep him nervous. It tended to drop back down to normal levels almost as soon as she calmed down. The other students in the hall were back to quickly shuffling aside, rather than escaping via a panic-stricken scramble.

Not that Dan had noticed. Despite her ebbing Talent, she was doing a pretty good job of making him sweat.

“Very well. A dry cleaning, manicure, two dresses and a hairpin. I suppose that will be a sufficient reparation for covering me in filth.” She said magnanimously.

Truth be told, she was certain that Dan would buy her all that anyway.All she had to do was ask him, but something about that had never really set right with her. It just seemed wrong to take advantage of a friend like that. Extorting him when he did something dumb was one thing - she liked to think it might teach him to behave - but just demanding something from him was another thing entirely.

Besides, getting something on your own terms was so much more fun than politely asking for it.

She stopped in front a set of large, metal doors. It had always struck her as a bit funny that such an ugly portal opened onto one of the school’s nice little courtyards. They were such pleasant places, after all, and the door was anything but.

The courtyards were a much better place to eat lunch than the cafeteria or either of the cafes. More open area, fewer staring peers.

“Now, I’m starving. Let’s-”

A violent explosion tore the metal doors to shreds. Smoking fragments shot away, drawing several surprised shouts from the students in the courtyard beyond.

She stood frozen in shock, hand still extended to push the door open. As sudden as the blast had been, it only took a split-second for her to realize the obvious. She whirled around and fixed Dan with a death-glare.

He was standing a few feet behind her, trying quite hard to look innocent. The fact that he was loading a replacement shell into his revolver hampered his efforts.

“What? You were just going to kick it off the hinges anyway. I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed, but angry Su’ and doors have a pretty abusive relationship. I figured I’d blow the poor bastards up and put ‘em right out of their misery. Save you from losing the points, since you actually care out them.”

Grinding her teeth, Thana turned to stare out into the courtyard. There had been a few dozen student scattered around eating lunch. A large portion of them were now staring at her in surprise. They were staring at her standing in a ruined door, angry scowl on her face. She looked a mess, she was standing in a smoldering door frame with her hand out and she was certain there were at least a couple of frightened students visible in the hall behind her.

“Sometimes I really hate you, Dan. I really, really do.” She growled.

Dan nervously trailed after her as she stomped out into the clearing. “What? I was helping. I was helping!”

A table full of students looked up fearfully as Thana ground to a halt in front of them. Dan vaguely recognized them as first-year students. He almost felt bad for them, but whatever. This sort of thing was bound to happen eventually.

“ _ Move _ .” She snapped.

There was a sudden flurry of frenzied motion. Half a dozen teens suddenly decided to see who could vacate the table the fastest. One of them literally teleported away, leaving her companions to fend for themselves. A minor brawl broke out as the five remaining students fought to get out of their chairs, collect their things and grab their food. In the end, most of them settled for just the first two.

Dan dropped into a newly-vacated seat with a sigh. “You know, that was pretty harsh. There was an empty table right over there. You probably just scarred the poor bastards for life.”

“If they're going to be here, they'll have to get used to it eventually.” Thana remarked. She carefully dusted off a chair, then sat and carefully spread her skirt. She began the laborious process of inspecting every bit of lace and ruffle began. 

“True. People get all excited to hit freshman year. They’re so happy they’ll be able to use their Talents with having to worry about a fuckin’ spanking right after. Never occurs to the dumb bastards that everyone else was thinkin’ the same damn thing.” He chuckled. “Y’know, you should probably take it easy over there. I’m pretty sure half our friends here think you’re gropin’ yourself or something.”

“I like this dress, Dan. If you've damaged it in any way, you won't like the consequences. They’ll be far worse than three new dresses and a hairpin.””

“Wouldn't be a problem if you wore woven metal or reinforced leather like any sane person. I’ve told you a dozen times I’d hook you up for free.” He poked at an abandoned sandwich curiously. “Hey, is this egg salad? Because it kinda smells like egg salad, but it doesn't look like it…

“That won't be happening. You can never seem to get the lace right.”

“Oh, yeah, so sorry. Please forgive me for not being an expert in lace, your royal Darkness. Your humble servant had to give up after a couple dozen fuckin’ tries, ‘cuz lace makes a lot less money than heavy weapons. Maybe you should try not dressing like something out of a haunting flick.” He snorted vaguely. Most of his attention seemed to be devoted to poking the sandwich with a fork. “Speaking of which, this shit is seriously freaking me out. I'm not sure it's natural.”

Thana glared across the table. “I'm pretty sure the only unnatural thing around here is sitting across from me. I already know the door was completely gratuitous, but did you at least have a  _ reason _ for blowing up the classroom?”

“Well, technically Smith blew up the classroom. He really should have been holding down the safety switch. You always hold down the safety switch. Huh... maybe I should install one next time...” Dan muttered. He furrowed his brow thoughtfully and shoved a hand into one of his many pockets.He quickly produced a pen and a pad of paper. Jotting a note, he continued,  “But, mainly, I was bored as fuck.”

“You sent the entire class to the infirmary. Including Mr. Smith.”

Thana's accusation was met with a dismissive shrug. Shoving the notepad back in his pocket, he pointed out,  “Yeah, well, a third of the class was Holt's fault. And at least blowing up Smith got us out of a useless class. I- ouch! What the hell?”

“Some of us actually need to learn algebra, Dan.”

Dan grimaced and yanked his hand out of his pocket. It came out full of assorted filthy and very pointy debris. There was an extremely confused look on his face as he examined it. “...the fuck? I know that pocket was closed.” He tossed the dangerous wreckage aside and began rifling through his other pockets. He quickly began accumulating a pile of assorted wood, metal and plastic bits.

“Dan...”

“Seriously, where the hell did all this crap even come from? I'm pretty sure there's enough shit here to build a new classroom.”

There was a heavy sigh from Thana. Some days she'd give up just about anything to have a sane conversation. Of course, she'd have to find some sane people if she had any hope of making that happen.

At least her dress appeared to be intact. It still looked like hell, covered in soot and dirt, but all the refuse had come out surprisingly easily Even after weathering two explosions, it looked looked like it would be fine. Both her and Dan were in luck today. Her because her dress was undamaged, and Dan because she didn't have to hurt him for ruining it.

So, it could have been a lot worse. Two Dan-induced disasters and she’d still managed to come out fine. Aside from the annoying piece of wood poking her in the ass.

Thana subtly looked around. For once, she was glad people tended to avoid them. No one really seemed to be paying attention. Actually, they were putting a lot of effort into  _ not _ paying attention. Even if someone glanced over, the angle of her body was about right to block their view of what was happening under the table.

She slightly shifted her body, moving as much of her hip under the table as she could. A few handfuls of cloth and a few tugs hiked the cloth almost up to her waist. It wasn’t easy to do without exposing her rear, but she managed. She took another quick look around, verifying that no one had noticed this little bit of immodesty, then shoved her hand up her dress.

“Yo!”

Thana froze.

“Yo.” Dan greeted. He looked over curiously as the chair beside him was claimed. “Garry, man, what the hell happened?”

The other boy shrugged, repeatedly wiping the back of one hand across his eyes. His cheeks were covered in tears and mucous. It was so bad that there were dark, crusty tracks running down his jacket. The runoff made the already worn denim look that much worse.

Garry slapped a paper-wrapped package onto the table. “Some jackass senior thought he was getting the last Ruben. He was wrong.” He pulled his hand from his face and tried to wipe it off on his jean. He misjudged the distance to the table, however, and managed to slammed his hand into a plate of half-eaten food. “What the…?”

It was no wonder he was having trouble seeing. His eyes were completely bloodshot. The flesh around them was puffed up and red. He was still crying, and the corners of his eyes were crusted. It looked like he was suffering the worst allergy attack imaginable.

“Jesus, Garry. How hard did you hit the poor bastard? You’re totally fucked up!”

Garry gave an evil grin. Well, it was probably meant to be an evil grin. The thin boy was already pretty harmless-looking, and having pasta dripping off his hand didn’t do much to make him more intimidating. “Oh, nothing major. Just, ‘That sandwich’s filling is made of live maggots’, that’s all. It’s probably worn off by now.”

“Wow. It’s gonna take a hell of a lot of therapy before they’ll get near sauerkraut again.”

“Yeah, well, he deserved it. Just shoved me right out of the way. I would’ve hit him harder, but I got that annoying cat earlier. Can you believe that thing is still trying to attack me? My eyes already-” Garry trailed off. “Umm… Thana? Are you… feeling yourself up?”

Thana said, “eep.”

“Because… From over here, it really looks like you’re grabbing your own butt.”

Thana said “...”

“Not that that’s  a problem. If that’s how you roll, it’s cool. But I don’t know if this is really the right place for it.”

Sudden, hysterical laughter caused both Thana and Garry to jump in their seats. In Thana’s case, it drove the wreckage against her skin in a very unpleasant way.

“Oh, man. Oh man! Holy shit!” Dan exclaimed. He was half keeled over and violently slamming his palm into the table. “Su’, you know you could have just pulled your hand out, right? You’ve been sitting like that for two goddamn minutes! He wouldn’t even have noticed!”

The aggrieved girl’s normally pale skin took on a rosy hue.

“And you! Jesus, Garry. How the hell long does it take to figure out a chick’s got her hand up her skirt? I mean, you do like skirts, right? Isn’t that the first thing you should notice?”

Garry glared. It probably would’ve had more effect if he wasn’t looking a foot behind his friend. “You are sooo lucky I already feel like my eyes are about to explode.”

“Let me.” Thana muttered quietly. There was a solid  _ crack _ from below. The entire table bounced, causing abandoned plates and silverware to rattle.

Dan let out a pained shout as his chair rocked backwards. “Oh,  _ fuck _ ! Fuck! What the hell, you crazy bitch!? Right in the fucking grenades!”

“Serves you right.” Garry snickered. “And seriously, Dan? Grenades? Is that what you call them?”

“Of course that’s what I fucking call them. What the hell else would I call a grenade? Damn it! You drove them right into my thigh!”

There was a sharp scraping noise as Garry yanked his seat back several feet. “What the- you mean actual, literal grenades?” He was looking around rapidly, desperately trying to find cover despite his blurred vision. Maybe he’d be okay if he flipped the table and took cover behind that? Then again, Thana was on the other side and she already looked pissed…

Even with his current impairment, it only took a brief look at Thana to convince him that was a bad idea.

_ The table is mine. Touch it and suffer eternal torment. _

“Seriously, calm down. You people panic over nothing. It’s just a pound of high-explosives. They’re not gonna go off because some pasty chick kicked them.”

“You’re sure?” Garry asked suspiciously. “Because, you know, things have a tendency to explode around you. I wouldn’t be surprised if getting kicked was  _ exactly _ what set your grenades off. Given your usual choice of company, that seem like that sort of thing you’d be into.”

There was a deep thud as Dan slammed a pair of small spheres onto the table. Each of them had a big, yellow happy face painted on them. They rolled a bit before coming to stop against a plate, their dead eyes staring at Garry.

He hastily backed up another foot.

“See? They’re fine. They could barely take out a car, anyway. Besides, I have perfect control of my grenades. They only go off when I want them to.”

Garry snorted. “Right. So your… ‘grenades’ are under perfect control, but they’re not as powerful as you’d like?”

“Dude, did you fuck up your ears, too? That’s what I said. Those things are barely firecrackers compared to the rest.”

With a groan, Garry wiped his eyes again. He gave a pained hiss as he received an unpleasant reminder that his arm was covered with spaghetti sauce. Depressingly, the sudden burning the sauce caused was almost an improvement.

He scooted his chair back up to the table. “You know what, man? I don’t even care. As long as I get my sandwich.” His began randomly patting the table.

Dan helpfully shoved the package under his hand.

“Ah. Thank you.” Garry grabbed it and held it up proudly. “Tuesday special. It’s about the only thing they make here that’s decent.”

“You know, you could always go to one of the actual bistro instead of buying that assembly line shit from the cafe.”

“Pfft. You really think I could get away with that on my living allocation? D-list get shit, and not all of us have an easy way to make money, you know.” Garry muttered, carefully - almost reverently - unwrapping his lunch. He held the sandwich aloft, trying to examine it through his abuse eyes. “I’ve been waiting all week for this!”

An arrow slammed into the center of the sandwich, tearing it from his hand. The projectile flew across the clearing and slammed into a wooden bench.The sandwich hung from the metal shaft for sauerkraut dripping from between the slices of bread..

Garry’s empty hand twitched.

Dan patted him on the shoulder and said, “Hey, maybe it’s still good!’

The arrow detonated, enveloping the sandwich and bench in a massive blast of electricity. Garry could almost hear his lunch’s silent scream as it vanished. There wasn’t even a bench left when the blast cleared, let alone a sandwich.

“Ah…. nevermind. Definitely not still good.”

Garry’s whole body twitched.

“Y.know, I could’ve told you that was gonna happen. You raised, like, half a dozen ‘fuck up my lunch’ flags right there.” observed Dan. He was staring at the charred patch of ground curiously.  “You know that wasn’t bad. Not as good as fire, though.”

“Who did that?” Garry growled.

It didn’t take Dan long to find the answer to his friend’s demand. There was a small crowd gathered on the other side of the the courtyard. In the center of it all, a blonde in a cheerleading outfit was screaming at someone he immediately labeled ‘Douchebag’. She was pointing a bow at him, arrow nocked and drawn.

“We have a winner.”

Garry shoved his seat back and stood. He raised an arm and pointed. “There?”

A quick tug turned his arm in the right direction. Dan gave him an encouraging pat on the shoulder. “There you go. About twenty paces straight ahead. Head for the annoying voice and look for fake blonde hair.”

Growling under his breath, Garry stomped forward. With each step, he counted off a pace under his breath. Unfortunately, Dan had underestimated the length of his friend’s any strides. Even more unfortunately, keeping a straight heading wasn’t easy when you were mostly blind. Garry ended up running straight into Douchebag at full-steam.

“What the hell?” The guy exclaimed. He whipped around and grabbed Garry by the jacket, easily lifting him off the ground. “What’s your problem, dick?”

He was met with a bleary-eyed, confused stare.

“You’re not blonde.” Garry examined him intently. Finally he turned and called out, “You’re sure it was blonde, right?” over his shoulder.

The sudden question distracted Dan from surveying food left on the table. It looked like his lunch was running late, and he was getting pretty hungry. That egg salad was pretty questionable, but those french fries might be okay. 

But before that, duty calls. He looked up from the plates and examined the scene again.

“Yep, definitely the blond. You can get that one too, though. He looks like a douchebag.”

The blond in question screamed, “He  _ is _ a douchebag! He was cheating on me! I should… I should shoot you! For real this time!”

“Look, baby, I can-”

“Blond hair. Annoying voice. Got it.” Garry interrupted. “So,  _ you _ fired the arrow and  _ you _ dodged it, right?”

“The hell…? Get the fuck out of my face, bottomfeeder. I can bench a sedan. Don’t think I won’t snap you in half!” Douchebag snarled. He gave Garry a shake for emphasis. “So mind your own goddamned business!”  
“Okay… One: I can’t get out of your face because you’re holding me, dipshit. Two: this became my business when you destroyed my lunch. Three: I’m blaming you for this, because you’re clearly a douchebag. So, let’s solve everything at once!”

He turned his head slightly and locked eyes with the blonde. Red flowed out from his pupils, staining his irritated eyes a deep crimson. The color leaked inward, staining the center of his eyes and making them look like nothing more than twin pools of blood.

“Your boyfriend is possessed by aliens. The only way to save him is by beating the piss out of him until they flee his body.”

Douchebag stared at Garry. “What the hell is wro-”

An arrow made of pure light slammed into the side of his head. The impact pitched him to one side, causing him to lose his grip on Garry. The boy dropped to the ground even as Douchebag was launched away. The whirling human projectile slammed into the side of the arts building. He hung there for several seconds, pressed into a douchebag-shaped indent.

“ _ Get out of my honey! _ ” The blonde shrieked. She yanked back the string of her bow, prompting three more arrows to appear there.“ _ Get out of him right now! _ ” 

Ignoring the ensuing explosions, Garry carefully climbed to his feet. He was completely blind at this point. Both his eyes felt like someone had shoved hot pokers into them. Hot pokers made of salt and misery. He could already feel mucus running down his cheeks.

He grinned. You’d think people would know by now. Just because someone was D-List didn’t mean you could get away with being an asshole to them.

“Marco!” he screamed.

Half a second later, Dan’s voice replied, “Polo!”

“Marco!” Garry repeated, heading for his friend’s voice.

“Polo!”

“Marco!”

“Chair!”

“Wha-” Garry started to ask. He didn’t quite get it out before walking straight into the chair. One of furniture’s backrest was driven straight into his crotch.

Dan nodded sagely. Not that Garry could see it. “I was trying to warn you that there was a chair there. There’s a chair there, by the way.”

“Right in the grenades…”

“You carry those, too? Wait… I haven’t made you any grenades. You haven’t been carrying someone else’s explosives, have you?” Dan gasped in horror. “Honestly, I expected better from you! You’ve never struck me as the type to settle for low-grade demolition accessories!”

“Dan? Seriously, just help me sit down and get my eyedrops.”

“Right. Fuckin’ slavedriver.” He pulled Garry down into the chair and slid his bag around. Rifling through it, he muttered,. “Let’s see…. Useless textbook. Useless textbook. Notepad. Pencils. Midget porn. Infolink. Ah, here they are!”

He quickly cracked open the bottle, yanked Garry’s head back and gave each eye a good squirt. It was pretty obvious this had happened a few times before.

“Hope this stuff doesn’t cause cancer…” Garry muttered. “Totally worth it, though.”

“Damn, man. You’re seriously fucked up now. How hard did you hit her?”

There was an explosion and a shrill scream in the background. The shrill scream didn’t sound like it came from a woman. Garry grinned and answered, “Pretty good. That’ll last at least an hour.”

“ _ Purge evil from this land! Rain of Light! _ ”

_ BOOM! _

Dan winced. “Ooh… good news for anyone with a class in the arts building. Looks like classes are canceled.”  
Thana sighed and muttered, “Idiot…”

“Hey, I can’t see. Does she still have her hand up her dress?” Garry asked curiously.

“Nah. She’s got some nasty old wood now, though. I guess she was tired of it poking her in the ass, so now she’s just holding it.” The sharp piece of wreckage launched across the table, slamming into Dan’s face hard enough to rock him back in his chair. “Son of a bitch, Su’!”  
“Idiot.” the pale girl repeated.

“Man, today really sucks. I got attacked by a crazy cat, had a pop quiz in Biology, managed to trip over my own feet in front of Katie Akers and lost my sandwich. “ Garry grumbled. “It’s only lunch break, and I’m already too tired and hungry to deal with this crap.”

“Do we really have to do the whole, ‘geek pining for the hot friend, secretly hoping someday she’ll realize her boyfriend is a dick and come running into his arms’ thing? That’s some cliche shit, man.”

Garry puffed his chest up. “Hey, I’m a good guy, right? I’ve always been there when she got upset. Sooner or later she’ll realize I’m better for her. Right, Thana?”

Cool, gray eyes studied him carefully

“Creepy.”

“...ouch.”

“Seriously, dude. What the fuck? You realize you just sounded like some fucking grade-A stalker right there, right? Please tell me you don’t have a telephoto lense in that bag.” Dan chuckled. It was a little hard to hear him around a mouthful of french fries, but the mocking tone came across clear.

The fries actually weren’t bad, once you scraped the mayo off.

Who the fuck put Mayo on french fries?

“No, man, it’s not like that. I just hate to see her with all these assholes. None of them even know her. They’re a bunch of self centered pricks that just want to get in her pants. She deserves someone that’ll treat her right.”

“Like you?” Dan snorted. He immediately began coughing as a fry invaded his nasal cavities.

“Creepier.” Thana added.

“Hey, it’s not my fault you don’t understand. An explosive obsessed nutcase and a fourth-generation psy-”

Something slammed into Garry’s jaw  _ hard _ . After the initial blow, it quickly softened and spread across his lips. He couldn’t close his mouth in time. Some of the substance slipped into his mouth before he could stop it.

It did not taste good.

He keeled over the table, gasping and coughing. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t choked up the foul substance. He ended up spreading his jaw and literally digging the ‘food’ out with a free hand.

“What the hell, Dan!?”

The culprit gestured vaguely with a half-empty bag of chips. There was a look of disgust on his face as he tried to wipe his other hand off on the edge of the table. “Hey man, don’t get all whiney with me. You’re the one who got your panties in a twist over your crush. You were acting like a bitch and were about to say something really fuckin’ stupid, so I figured you were just goin’ a little PMS because you’re hungry.”

“So you punch me in the face was a sandwich?” Garry demanded. He scraped some of the food off his face and tried to examine it. Considering he was mostly blind, doing so took a lot of effort. “What the hell is this, anyway? Egg salad? It looks kind of like egg salad, but it sure as hell doesn’t taste like it.”

“Dude. How the fuck would you know? You can’t see shit.”

“Yeah, well, I can see well enough to know this is supposed to be egg salad. I mean, it smells like it and everything. It just doesn’t taste like it.” he muttered. He was working his jaw around in disgust, trying to get the taste out of his mouth.

“Soo… what’s it taste like?” Dan asked with interest.

Garry shoved a handful of the substance towards Dan. “I dunno. Why don’t you tell me?”

“That shit gets any closer to me and I’m shooting you.”

“Oh, who’s PMSing now?”

A plate was pushed across the table.

“Here, have a cheeseburger. It’ll get the taste out of your mouth.”

Garry examined the plate as best he could. It looked just like everything else: a blurry mess. Still, it did look like a generally cheeseburger-shaped blur. “Thanks and all, but I’d feel bad eating your lunch. God knows you pay for it.”

“Meh, no worries there. Seems my lunch is running a bit late today.”

“Oh. Come to think of it, that doesn’t look like something Missy would make. Where the heck did you get a cheeseburger?” Garry demanded suspiciously.. 

“Dude, weren’t you paying any attention? The entire fucking table is literally covered with food. We’ve got burgers. We’ve got salad. We’ve got ham sandwiches, cucumbers, chips and crackers. I think that’s fried chicken right there, and until recently we had french fries. I woulda offered you one, but you seemed to be enjoying that sandwich. Judging by how you were deepthroating it, anyway.”

“I’m probably going to regret asking this, but where did all this food come from?” He asked suspiciously. 

Thana shrugged and rounded up the various salads on the table. She began contentedly eating from four different plates, paying Garry no further mind.

“Some kind freshman donated it to the cause.” Dan stated, nodding sagely. “Oh, how nice it is to see that, even in this jaded age, there are some wise souls that show proper respect and pay tribute to their elders. Well, either that or they didn’t want to get jacked up.”

Thana nodded. “Completely voluntary.”

“Oh, god. You guys did not mug a bunch of freshmen. Please tell me you didn’t mug a bunch of freshmen.”

“Of course not!” Dan snapped, aghast. “Do you really think we’d… wait a sec. Does threatening someone with violence in a way that causes them to run away and leave their valuables behind count as mugging?”

Sighing, Garry nodded. “Yes. In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s  _ exactly _ what the word ‘mugging’ means.”

“Oh. Well, in that case, fuckin’ a we did.”

“What in the world is wrong with you guys?” Garry demanded. “Seriously, what if they report it? Do you know how many points that’ll cost?”

“One for using a Class 3 mind-altering talent on another parahuman and two for seizure of property via threat of violence. That’s three per student, plus another two for possessing stolen items and one more for inciting a minor panic in a public area.” Dan quickly rattled off. “So… twenty-one in all. Not bad for a Monday morning”

Thana corrected, “Tuesday.”

“Right. Tuesday. Sure as fuck feels like Monday, though.”

“Look, you may not care, but I’d really like to get off the D-List. It’d be really, really nice to get out of this city someday.” Garry snapped.

“Well, worrying about it now’s not gonna do jack shit. You were an accessory as soon as you ate that sandwich. Besides, you just used a Class 2 mind-altering talent to incite violence between two parahumans, which escalated into a conflict that damaged school facilities. Altogether that’s at least seven points if someone reports it.”

“...damn it.”

“Was it still worth it?”

A tear ran down Garry’s cheek as he thought about his poor, deceased sandwich. It wasn’t because of the irritation his talent had caused. “Yeah. It was worth it.”

“Yeah, well, I wouldn' worry about it too much. There’s no fuckin’ way Douchebag there is gonna report getting dickpunched by your scrawny ass. And given how your Talent works, the blond chick won’t be reporting it either. They’ll have a hell of a time convincing her she wasn’t saving that tool from aliens.”

Garry sighed and relaxed a bit. He took a big bite of his cheeseburger. “Hey, not bad.”

Dan had mixed feelings about Garry. The guy could be pretty cool if he got riled up, as evidenced by the explosions still continuing in the background, but most of the time he was kind of a doormat. He just sort of moped around and rolled over if someone gave him a hard time.

That sort of thing was totally beyond Dan’s understanding. If someone gave him shit, he only responded in one of two ways: aggressive or ‘try to evacuate the block before it explodes’.

Still, he was glad to see that his friend wasn’t going to flip out about this. Garry seemed so miserable half the time that he didn’t really want to add to it. Plus, he really didn’t want to sit there all lunch period with the wuss looking like someone kicked his puppy. That kind of misery could make your food taste bad, even if you were only catching the periphery.

Speaking of which...

A pair of slim arms snaked across Dan’s shoulders and wrapped around his neck. They gave a gentle yank, tilting his chair slightly and forcing his head back into something soft.

“Hi~i! How’s everyone doing today?”

Garry just waved, too busy trying to swallow a particularly dry bit of food. Thana just stared.

Dan craned his neck back, trying to get a good look at his assailant. As a side effect, this also pressed the back of his skull harder into her chest. The girl gave a little squeak, reddening slightly.

There was a faint choking noise as Garry tried to laugh while drinking a carton of milk.  _ Are you serious? You put him there… _

“Yo.” Dan greeted, lazily looking up blue eyes looming over him. “What’s up, Missy? How’s my favorite freshman doin’?”

The girl stood frozen, a very pronounced deer-in-the-headlights look on her face. Her blush deepened slightly. She asked, weakly, “...favorite?”

“Well, yeah. You’re the only freshman I actually like. That makes you my favorite.”

“That’s good enough, I guess.” She muttered. She released Dan, dragged the free seat next to him a big closer, and slid into it. “Soo.... umm… where’d all this food come from?”

“Dan and Thana mugged a bunch of freshman.” Garry responded.

“Fuckin’ a we did.”

“Oh… so… does that mean you already ate?” Miss asked quietly.

Dan snorted. “You kiddin’? Why would I fill up on this crap when something better’s on the way? I mean, I did have a handful of fries because I was fucking starvin’.”

“Oh! I’m so sorry! Mr. Haack wanted to talk to me after Home Ec.” Missy explained. She uncomfortably tugged at a stray lock of hair. The loose, golden curls were always getting in the way. Shoulder-length was just long enough for them to be a nuisance but not long enough to just brush them out of the way. For some reason she refused to wear any sort of hairclip or band, so she constantly had to brush them out of the way.

Finally managing swallow, Garry asked, “Wait, someone did accuse you of using your Talent again, did they?”

“No. Not this time. I think Mr. Haack just wanted to stare at my sweater for a while.” She shifted uncomfortably. “He seems to like doing that.”

Garry couldn’t exactly see her, but her sweaters were almost always some variation of the same style..They were thick garments with elaborate patterns woven in. Obviously high-quality and, oddly enough, sleeveless. But the most important part was, in his opinion, the way they strained across her chest.

Missy had trouble finding tops she liked in her size.

“Well, it  _ is  _ a nice sweater. I can see why people would like to admire it.”

Missy leaned forward to give him a nasty glare around Dan. That wasn’t anything new to him, and it wasn’t anything he couldn’t deal with. Especially since her face was just a vague, Missy-shaped blur. What happened on his other side, however….

_ THUNK. _

Garry jumped in his seat and whipped his head around. On his left, partway around the table, Thana was giving him a cold stare. There was a metal butter knife buried an inch into the metal table. It was so close to his arm that he could actually feel the cool metal. Still vibrating from the force of strike, it was letting out a soft humming sound.

“I mean, it’s such a nice color. Lovely shade of red.” Garry ‘smoothly’ continued. “Isn’t that she same color Thana’s wearing? Did you guys coordinate or something?”

Thana and Missy both glared harder at that. Garry was starting to sweat.

“Yo. Gary. Shut your fuckin’ hole. You make my lunch any later, I’ll be pissed. So keep your trap shut and try not to get yourself murdered. Seein’ your blood might ruin my appetite. Probably not, but it might, so stop being a dumb shit.”

“Oh! Right! I’m so sorry!” Missy squeaked. She twisted around in her seat and bent forward to rifle around her her bag. “Just a sec.”

A half-chewed bite of hamburger slowly rolled out of Garry’s gaping jaw. All the visual impairment in the world couldn’t keep him from seeing that.

Another thunk told him a fork had probably just joined the butter knife by his arm, but he didn’t care. This was probably worth losing an arm for, and he thanked the gods his vision had cleared up as much as it had. Especially when Missy leaned a bit further down, lifting her butt off the seat.

“Okay, here it is!” She said happily. She straightened with two cute boxes in her hands. One was black and covered in white thorns, the other white and covered in black blooms. With a flourish, she put the black box on the table in front of Dan. “There you go!”

With a sigh of relief, Dan slipped the cover off the black box. Perfect, thin slices of fried chicken with a perfect, golden-brown coating. Fried rice and and vegetables. A wooden skewer with three dumplings tucked into a corner..

“You were saying last week that you’ve been watching old Japanese media, so I thought I’d be fun to look up some new recipes!” Missy happily declared. “And I managed to find the  _ cutest _ boxes!”

“Goddamn.” Dan muttered. “Is that dango?”

“Yep! Sure is!”

“Holy shit. How long do you spend makin’ these things?

“Oh, not that long.” Missy said modestly.  _ Two and a half hours isn’t a long time, right? _

“Oh man…” Dan muttered around a  mouthful of chicken. “Seriously, Garry, your shitty sandwich can suck it. Well, it could if it wasn’t a smolderin’ pile of ash.”

“Too soon, Dan. Too soon.”

“Never too soon, Gar.” Still munching on chicken, Dan held his free hand out in front of Missy’s chest. “Here. Lemme have it.”

“Eh!?” Squeaked Missy in a panic. She looked down at Dan’s hand, hovering just in front of her chest, with wide eyes. Her complexion was rapidly moving from ‘healthy’ to ‘drop the control rods’.

“Your curse. Hit me.”

Missy looked relieved and more than a little disappointed. Still, public definitely wasn’t the best place for that sort of thing. “Oh. Right, of course! Are you sure?”

“You really don’t have to ask that every single day. Of course I’m sure. Anyway, I’ve already been paid.” Dan gestured towards his food. “I’d be some kinda an asshole to back out now.”

“Okay… I still don’t feel really good about this.”

“Meh, my idea,wasn’t it? So just fuckin’ hit me.”

With a sigh, Missy raised her right arm. There were a dozen irregular shards of black metal around her wrist. From a distance, it might have looked like she was wearing some sort of rough bracelet. But the truth was obvious from where Dan was sitting. The metal was fused straight to her flesh.

Thin creepers of black sprouted from the ‘bracelet’. It was like thin, thorny vines were climbing up her limb. They ended just a couple of inches above the ‘bracelet’.

Dan examined her arm. “Y’know, that’s not as much as usual. ‘specially since we were out on Monday so all those assholes outside could feel good about themselves.”

“Oh… well… my big brother was home this weekend, and he spilled grape juice all over one of my white sweaters.So, I might’ve cursed him right before his date.” Missy blushed again. “And then, on the way in this morning, some crazy cat attacked me! Can you believe that?”

“Whoa, whoa. Hold up. You got attacked by a cat this morning?” demanded Garry.

“Yeah… it was so strange….”

“Dude. Did that happen somewhere around the corner of 109 and 28?”

“Wow. How’d you know?”

Garry started laughing hysterically. “Oh, god. That nasty little thing is having a really, really bad day!”

“What?”

“Dude, that thing attacked me, too! So I hit him with an hour’s worth of, ‘giant, cat-eating mice are chasing you’ and gave him a boot down the street!”

Missy twitched. “That thing just ran out of an alley and slammed into me! He was freaking out so bad that he scratched my leg and tore my pants! You’re telling me it was because you scared him out of his mind?” You’re a terrible person! I bet you deserved to be attacked! You owe me a pair of pants!”

“Wha? Look, you can’t call that my fault. I didn’t know he’d attack you. Besides, I can’t afford to buy  _ myself _ new pants, and I’m pretty sure yours cost more than mine.”

“Jesus Garry, man up once in awhile.  _ I”ll  _ buy you a new pair of pants, so can we just not ruin my fuckin’ lunch with a shitton of bitching?” Dan sighed.

“Really!?”

“Sure. I own Su’ a couple of dresses, anyway. At this point, one pair of pants doesn’t matter.”

Missy visibly twitched. “Oh, I see. In that case,  _ here _ !” She grabbed Dan’s outstretched arm. The creepers of black metal quickly receded into her ‘bracelet’. Black lightning crackled across her hand for a brief instant.

Pulling his hand away, Dan winced. She had grabbed him so hard that there was a very visible handprint on his forearm. He massaged his gently and muttered, “You’ve got a hell of a grip sometimes.”

“That’s because you’re an idiot.” Garry helpfully pointed out. He was really, really glad that the question of who owed who a pair of pants had been settled.

“Idiot.” Thana chimed in.

“You  _ are _ in idiot.” Missy agreed. “You’re a nice idiot, sometimes, but you’re still an idiot.”

Dan blinked. “Nice? Me?”

“Yeah, I don’t know I’d call him  _ nice _ , per se. I think he’s just too stupid to realize a free lunch isn’t worth getting cursed. I’m dead broke, and I’m sure as hell not about to let you curse me.” Garry shook his head. “No offense, of course.”

“Don’t worry. I’m used to it.” Missy sighed.

“Oh, gimme a fuckin’ break.” Dan groaned. “Don’t be such a pussy. It’s just a little bit of bad luck. It just makes whatever the hell I’m working on blow the fuck up. It’s not like that doesn’t happen anyway. Even on Mondays, with three full days of it built up, I see  _ maybe _ a 30% increase in detonations.”

“That seems pretty-”

“Dude. Garry.” Dan interrupted. “You bitch about how your Talent fucks your eyes up. You really think being a Living Altar isn’t worse? Like, havin’ a fucking god of misfortune in your body is a real good time? You expect her to not curse people, an’ just wait until she builds up enough bad luck to get killed by it? You don’t seem to have a problem nailing people with your delusions, and they’re not willin’ like I am.”

By the end of his rant, Missy was staring at him with stars in her eyes. Her previous annoyance had obviously been forgotten.

“Hey, I’m just saying-”

“Garry. Drop it, man. Or do you  _ want _ to taste my grenades?” Dan asked ominously. He gestured vaguely towards the pair of spheres still sitting on the table.

“Dude!” Garry squeaked. “Why the hell are your grenades still out. Put ‘em back in your pants before they go off!”

“Oooh… Is that what those are?” Misty asked curiously. She picked one of the spheres up and began examining it. “They’re kind of cute.”

“Eh, go ahead and keep ‘em if you want. Never a bad idea to have some artillery around.”

“ _ Always _ a bad idea.” Thana muttered.

“Really? I can keep them?”

Dan shrugged. “Sure. It’s not like I don’t have a ton of ‘em. In fact…” He plunged a hand into a pocket. After a moment of digging around, he pulled it out and dropped half a dozen more explosives on the table. “Here. Have a bunch.”

“Cool… no one’s ever given me high explosives before.”

“Oh, so you’re a virgin. Guess that means I get to bust your cherry.

Thana groaned. Garry slammed his head into the table. Misty turned so red that it looked like she was in serious danger of melting her way through the chair.

Dan, seemingly, didn’t even notice.

“Look, it’s real easy.” He stated, plucking the grenade out of her unresisting hand. He twirled it around, showing her half a frowny face on the backside. A quick twist rotated the top half of the smiley to the back, finishing he sad face. “You just take it and twist the shell. Half a rotation turns Mr. Happy into Mr. Sad. When you see Mr. Sad, you’ve got three seconds to introduce him to someone that pisses you off.”

He negligently tossed the explosive over his shoulder. A moment later there was a huge explosion and a scream of, “ _ Honey _ !” The loud blast and powerful shockwave seemed to be enough to shock Missy out of her embarrassed meltdown.

“Uh… thank you.” She whispered weakly. She quickly began transferring the bombs to her bag.

Garry had gone very pale.. He eyed the girl’s pack with extreme suspicion. “Didn’t you just say that those could barely take out a car, Dan?”

“A big car. I meant a big car. APCs are cars, right?”

“No.”

“Ah. Well, don’t be a pussy. My bad luck only makes things explode when I’m actually handling them. Missy already unloaded her curse, so she’s not gonna set them off on accident. Besides, she barely had anything built up. That was more of an ‘annoyance’ curse than even a ‘minor harm’. Trust me, I think I’m a fuckin’ connoisseur by now.”

“Oh, that reminds me.” Missy suddenly said. She was slightly flushed and fidgeting around in her seat. “You know, I was thinking about it, and it’s not really fair to make you take a whole three days’ worth on Monday. So… I thought it might be a good idea if we got together on Saturday and Sunday. So I can give you my curse, I mean.”

“Sure.”

“Really!?” Missy asked happily.

“Yeah. But it’ll have to be later on on Saturdays. Sometime after I take Su’ shopping.”

Missy twitched again. In a dangerous tone she asked, “You take her shopping on Saturday? Every Saturday?”

“Yeah, since we were kids. She won’t really go out on her own, because of the way her Talent scares the fuckin’ pussies around the city. But if I’m with her, she has something to focus on. I’m pretty close to immune, so it works out okay. Beside, bein’ afraid for my life keeps me from doing anything too stupid. Usually.”

“Wait, did you just totally acknowledge that you do a ton of stupid shit?” Garry asked incredulously.

“I didn’t say a ton, and it depends on how you define, ‘stupid shit’.”

Missy was now very obviously glaring at Thana. The smaller girl returned the look with an arched eyebrow, then went back to munching on her salads.

“ _ I _ can keep you from doing something stupid. I could probably do it better, too.” Missy declared archly.

Coughing and choking erupted on Dan’s other side. Garry pounded his chest several times, trying to force down the bite of hamburger he’d choked on. Finally he cleared his throat and began laughing. “You’re gonna keep him from doing something stupid?  _ Him _ ? LIttle Miss Nightmare can’t even keep him in line half the time. I give it maybe ten minutes before he blows something up under your watch.”

“That’s not true! I’ll make sure he doesn’t do  _ anything _ like that at all!”

“Yeah, sure. And maybe winged monkeys will fly out of my butt.”

“I can! I’ll prove it! I’m be much better at it than  _ her _ .”

“Uh, guys?” Dan asked, slice of chicken hanging from his mouth. “You know I’m not, like, a fuckin’ puppy or anything, right? When did this become about makin’ me be a good doggy?”

“Shut up, Dan!” Missy and Garry snapped together.

“Oh. Wow. Fine, fine. It’s cool. I’ll just sit here and finish the incendiary charge I was working on.”

“You do that, Dan.” Garry said condescendingly. He even patted the other boy on the head. “Do you have any idea what happened last time we went to grab some fast food? Yeah, there’s not a QuikBurger on 107 anymore.”

“They put pickles on my Quickie. I fuckin’ hate pickles.” Dan muttered. “Wouldn’ta been a problem if that pussy at the register hadn’t dodged.” Dan muttered. “Seriously, who moves and just lets a propane tank get hit?”

“Yeah, well, you can barely take care of yourself. Look at you. When’s the last time you washed that sweatshirt, Garry?”

“Oh, hey, low-blow. My complex doesn’t have a laundry room. You know how much the laundromat costs? Besides, it’s only been three days…”  
“Oh, eww… just… eww….”

“Hey, on the upside, I learned an important lesson.” Dan continued. “Propane stoves and high-yield explosive slugs don’t like each other. Knowledge is power, y’know?”

“That’s nice, Dan.” Garry said again. He didn’t even bother to turn away from Missy. “You think I like being broke as fuck? So sorry I don’t have a family here to buy me $200 sweaters.”

“Hey! I worked for this!”

“Oh, yeah, sure you did. You earned it all right, at a job that was just handed to you. Must be nice to know someone working at a TV studio that can just hand you work like that!”

“You know… I was kinda thinkin’ about thinking about burning the west gym to the ground after lunch. Ms. Marcus is a bitch, and I’ve got a class there this afternoon.” Dan pondered. “And the science building may as well go next. It’s way too ugly. I’ve got a nice little number that’s just about big enough to turn it into a smoking crater.”

“That’s nice Dan.”

“Look, don’t get all pissed off at me because you don’t have any money. If you weren’t so lazy, you could raise your rank in no time. You talent’s good enough for that, if you bothered to use it.”

“Oh, yeah, because I just love feeling like someone poured bleach in my eyes and set them on fire.”

“Ooohh, poor you. At least your Talent doesn’t turn around and bite you if you don’t make other people miserable!”

“So, aliens totally abducted one of my castin’ basins the other day. It was full of molten iron and everything. They just came down from the roof and were like, ‘Dude. We totally dig heavy metal. Mind if we take this?’ So I was like, ‘Guys, if want heavy metal, take the lead instead.’ But they didn’t listen. I guess I just couldn’t handle the irony.” Dan announced.

A butter knife shot across the table and pegged him in the forehead. Yelped in shock as the metal projectile bounced off his skull. Rubbing the minor wound, he glared at Thana. She’d been kind enough to hit him with the handle, at least.

“At least someone’s listening.” He muttered.

“That’s nice Dan.” Garry snapped. “You think you’re better than me? How about this: see if you can keep the nutcase here from destroying someone’s property for an afternoon. Next Saturday is fine. You do that, and I’ll hit Mr. Haak so hard my eyes  _ bleed _ . I guarantee he’ll never look at your… sweater… again.”

“Fine.  _ If _ I lose - and I won’t -  what do you want from me? And if you say  _ anything _ even  _ remotely _ perverted, I’ll save up my curse for a  _ month _ just so I can give it to you.” She snarled. She crossed her arms across her chest. She didn’t particularly like doing that, but it did seem to make it hard for most men (and some women) to think.

“New wardrobe.” Garry immediately responded. “And I mean a  _ whole _ new wardrobe. I know you’ve got a good amount of cash saved up. My clothes are getting pretty bad.”

“Fine.”

“Fine!”

“You guy ever stop ta think that maybe… just maybe… I don’t have any interest in being involved in this?” Dan asked. “It sounds like a damn headache.”

“ _ You _ are taking me to lunch on Saturday!” Missy snapped. She jammed a finger into his side in emphasis. “Ow!”

Dan winced. That had to hurt, but she should know better. Shoving a finger into a quarter-inch alloy plate had to hurt, and his entire vest was full of them.

“Fine with me!” Garry snapped. “And don’t think I won’t be watching, just to make sure.”

“Oh, so now I’m some sort of lying cheater?”

Dan sighed. The table exploded.

Both Garry and Missy froze, a pair of matching shocked look on their faces. A wide spray of jagged wood erupted into the air. Some of the fragments came within inches of their faces. That would have hurt quite a bit, considering they were travelling fast enough to make it several stories into the air.

Thana calmly continued eating, a plate of salad balanced on each knee. It wasn’t ideal, considering the precarious position and the high risk of staining her dress, but at least her lunch hadn’t detonated. It seemed like letting it go to waste would have disrespectful toward toward the freshmen that had given it to her.

“Oops. Grenade must have fallen out of my pocket.”  Dan said sheepishly. “My bad.”

“Dude. Not cool.” Garry gasped. “You almost gave me a heart attack.”

“Gonna give ya a lot more than that.” Dan grinned. He yanked a blue roll out of a pocket and quickly unraveled it, revealing a mid-sized tarp. With a flourish, he swirled it and covered himself, Thana and Missy.

“What the hell, Dan?”  
“What was on the table, Garry? Heads up, man.”

A hail of hot food fell from the sky, covering half the courtyard. Those that were lucky enough to see it coming dove beneath tables. Those that didn’t shriek in surprise as they were doused with consumables. Garry was in a particularly unfortunate position, having looked straight up in response to Dan’s remark. He took a face-full of food before he could react.

_ Damn it. I knew I should have eaten that cream pie right way. _

Dan whipped off the tarp with a snap, spraying food across a group of students that had just crawled out from beneath a table. He could feel them glaring at him angrily, but whatever. There weren’t many among his peers that would actually make the mistake of getting in his face. Especially not with Thana sitting right there.

The girl was still calmly munching from her salads. It was like she hadn’t even noticed the whole event. She hadn’t even really reacted to the rain of food, aside from quickly checking her dress after Dan removed the tarp. Luckily for him, he did have a fairly healthy sense of self-preservation. Not a single speck of food had marred her outfit.

But even though she was in a reasonably good mood, even though she was just sitting there eating, everyone who looked at her felt a sudden chill run down their spines.

She was handy to have around, Dan reflected. He wasn’t a big fan of people to begin with. Having her around scaring off the mooks was very convenient. Especially in a situation like this, where people were obviously pissed at him.

It was always annoying when he had to demonstrate that he was not to be fucked with.

“Umm… thanks.” Missy muttered. “I really like this sweater.”

Dan could feel Thana glaring at him. “What? I covered you too!”

“Oh, yeah, thanks for that.” Garry said sarcastically. Truth be told, he wasn’t particularly mad. A bit irked, but not mad. Especially since that cream pie had made his eyes feel quite a bit better. He’d have to remember that.

“Don’t be a bitch, man. You haven’t washed that shit in three days. You probably smell better now.”

“I-  wait. I smelled?”

Misty wrinkled her nose slightly. “No, of course not.”

“God damnit.”

“Look, Garry, I’m really sorry. I’ve had a bad day, but that wasn’t fair at all. I was really, really mean and I shouldn’t take it out on you just because a pervert teacher was looking at me.”

“Yeah, well, I was kind of a dick, too.”

“Oh, but the bet’s still on!” Missy brightly announced. “Saturday. All afternoon, no destruction of personal property.”

“Wait, what?”

“We already agreed, didn’t we? You’re not going to go back on your word, are you?”

“Tch. Man up, Garry.” Dan snorted. “It was your dumbass idea. Don’t puss out.”

“Mm.” Thana nodded.

Garry opened his mouth, but didn’t manage to say a word before a sharp ringing split the air. The students around them quickly began finishing their food and packing up.

“Dam it. Fuckin’ warning bell.” Dan snapped. “Back to the bullshit, I guess.”

Garry groaned. “What’re you whining about? You’ve got a free period.”

“Nah, I’m going to Chemistry today.”

“What? Why? You can’t even learn it.”

Missy whined, “Wait a second! You’re supposed to have study hall with me!”

“Yeah, Thana’s pretty pissed today, though. If I don’t go with her, she’s just gonna get booted out for scaring the piss outta everyone.”

Missy shot the smaller girl a glare. “Fine. Go with her then. I’ll just study all by myself.”

“Er. Right. That was the plan.” Dan stated. “C’mon, your darkness. We wouldn’t wanna be late.”

Misty and Garry watched the pair wander towards the edge of the clearing, one in resignation and one with disgust.

Missy muttered. “I don’t get it. She’s like, what, half the woman I am? Maybe not even...”

“I’m pretty sure this is a ‘divide by zero’ situation, actually.” Garry said blandly. “I wonder if she even buys bras.”

“Ew. You’re really gross, Garry. I ever catch you doing something perverted to me and I’ll curse you so hard you’ll  _ never _ have children. Got it?”

“Duly noted.”

Missy thought for several seconds. “You know, I bet she doesn’t buy them. Bras, I mean. She always has all that lace and ruffles on her chest. I bet she’s trying to hide something.”

“You think?”

“Oh, definitely. I bet she even pads them.”

“Nah, what she’s got is definitely real. For what that’s worth, anyway.”

“Ew. Again.” Missy wrinkled her nose. “Don’t you, like, have class or something? You should totally go. Now. And remember: One afternoon for one delusion.”

Garry sighed. “Yeah, sure. I’m looking forward to those clothes. Anyway, I’m out.”

Missy watched him go with a mildly disgusted look on her face. He was a nasty pervert, but he wasn’t really a bad guy. A little gross - no, a lot gross - but a decent person.

Plus, he was one of the few people that would get near her. Even if she kept her arms bare, showing everyone her Altar and how much power it held, they still distrusted her. You’d think that’d be enough proof she wasn’t cursing anybody.

She sighed. Oh well. She might as well go study. Without Dan there really wasn’t much better to do.


End file.
